How Bullying Launched my Career

So, growing up there were two groups, there was sort of the IN group and the OUT group.

I wasn’t in the particular IN group.

It’s indicative of kids to find the space where they can make fun of you.  Well, I grew up a little challenged because I was wider rather than taller.  As a result of that, I got made fun of…a lot.

You can imagine with a last name Sobczak (pronounced as SUB-check), I’m called “subby tubby.”   

And with a first name Art, well my dad’s name is Art too so I became Artie...you can fill in the blanks.  (I'll give you a hint, just add an F)   The kids had a lot of fun with that…

Gene, Gene made a machine.  Joe, Joe made it go.  Art, Art blew a Fart and blew the whole darned thing apart. 

And as a result of that, of course, I was picked on, like maybe you were.  And that frustrated me. 

But maybe even more than that was when I saw other people being picked on…and picked on unfairly…although I’m not sure if being picked on is ever fair.  But being picked on unfairly. 

I remember in the 6th grade, Denny, a kid in the neighborhood, he was held back so he was bigger than most of us, and maybe that’s what made him into a sort of Bully.

And not only was he picking on someone, he was picking on a girl!  Now, this was in the early 70’s.  At that time, going to a parochial grade school, this was not cool nor was it acceptable. 

So, he’s picking on Mary Beth.  I mean, Denny was big and Mary Beth was really small and slightly built.

Though I was not unafraid, it was the injustice of it that made me stand up for Mary Beth.  And it’s interesting how experiences like that carry forward through your life.

By the way, Denny kicked my ass.  We were caught fighting.  Sister Valerine doled out punishment to both of us!  I’ll leave that to your imagination but let’s just say that it included one of those toys with a paddle and a ball connected with an elastic string.  But there was no ball, and no string.

Interestingly enough, Denny and I became friends.  He told me that he gave me credit for standing up to him.  That was a revelation. 

And when I graduated school and got into the financial services world, I found there were Bullies in that world as well.

The media, really duping people with misinformation, trying to sell radio time and TV time and magazine subscriptions.

Big financial companies that were taking products and jamming them into peoples’ situations, like a square peg into a round hole.

Then there were untrained sales people kind of masquerading as advisors and doing the same thing.

And, boy, that just frustrated the tar out of me and gave me a sense of the mission that I’m on, which is really protecting people from the financial Bullies that are out there. 

The stories that I could tell you of people who thought they were OK, but got taken advantage of, there are many.  Let me tell you one.

This was the grandmother of a friend of mine in the business.  It was early in our careers, when managers thought it was a good idea for young guys to pair up and do joint appointments.  Anyway, we go see Jack’s Grandmother.  She was widowed and had some significant wealth.

Jack and I are talking more than we’re listening.  We just couldn’t wait to wow her with some really cool stuff.  When we just couldn’t wait any longer, Jack launches this rapid fire salvo; “Grandma, here’s what you need to do.  Take your entire portfolio of stock and put it in a family limited partnership, sell the limited partnership to a grantor retained annuity trust in exchange for a private annuity.  When you die it will all go to a private family foundation.  You’ll be better off and we’ll be better off.”  Then he paused and I said cheerily, “What do you think?”

She looked at us like, you know, how Grandmas look at you over the top of their glasses.  Arms crossed and in a perpetual state of doubt.

At that point you know it's over.

I later realized there were two big mistakes.  First we were talking in a language she did not understand.  Number two, worse than that, I never took the time to ask her “what do you want.?” 

That was a turning point.  She clearly had problems.  I continued to work with Jack and we kept in touch with Grandma.  Jack gravitated toward the wealth management part of the business an I had more of a planning mindset, so I took lead on many of our conversations. 

She got older, and her health worsened, but to her I was always that youngling she met the first time.  I was working locally, then nationally, wrote articles, did public speaking and was educating other advisors.  Eventually Grandma’s family said, “well, maybe he knows what he’s doing.” 

So they hire me to come in and help Grandma out, in collaboration with Jack.  Half way through the process, guess what?  She passed.  It was too late.  Jack’s family wrote a check to the state of New York for 1.2 million dollars and another to the IRS for three million dollars.  She had a great accounting firm and one of the finest law firms in the city.  How could this happen? 

At that moment I felt like the heart surgeon who could have helped, but was called in too late.  That sent me on a course.   I wondered how it is that successful people were able to accumulate wealth but the were doing so poorly at preserving, protecting and passing it on. 

I run into people who come to me after it’s too late.  If Jack’s family could have engaged me sooner I would have stepped in, took over the situation and made sure Grandma’s money and legacy were protected.  That really was the spark that fired up my mission.  It’s why I write, speak and teach other advisors.  It’s why I do the work that I do.